who was I in reality ?…….I was an empty hollow human being looking for something to fill a void that seemed to grow within me every second of the day.
The plane’s descent made my stomach lurch and as we landed and I asked my manager where we were. Looking through the glass pane I saw a group of foreign delegates standing on the red carpet awaiting my appearance. I looked at the reflection on the window pane and saw a beautiful young girl adorned with all the finery of a dancer stare back at me with empty eyes. I did not know which country I was in.
I only knew I was Swarnamuki the acclaimed dancer. Conquering every nuance of one of the most ancient dance forms, I had travelled to more than 52 countries representing India at various cultural festivals . In 1977 I was adopted by Chief Minister M G Ramachnadran and awarded the highest accolade "Kalaimamani Swarnamukhi" ( the greatest performer of Arts). The then President of India Dr Radhakrishnan named me "The Boneless Wonder" and gifted me his first Presidential salary.
But who was I in reality ?…….I was an empty hollow human being looking for something to fill a void that seemed to grow within me every second of the day. Performing the art that brought me praise and adoration did not even make a dent in the vacuum that I lived in.
Meanwhile at the home-front a battle had begun, my mother had become a Christian and forsook the prayers of my ancestors. I was furious with her. I visited every temple in the city and offered continuous poojas praying that the deities will redeem my mother from this new God.
Early one morning I was standing in line to worship a famous deity in Chennai. I watched two men approach a man walking before me and as he turned to talk to them they pulled out a machete and slashed his neck. The world stood still as I watched him writhe in a pool of his own blood. I turned and ran asking myself " Why did God not protect him? What kind of God is this who cannot protect his own devotees worshipping in his temple?"
I reached home in a stupor, too shocked to deal with the recent events. I shut myself in a room and kept asking the one and true God to reveal himself.
I suddenly found myself in a room filled with saints dressed in white. Facing me stood a tall handsome man, who I knew could only be God. He beckoned me and pointed to a cradle surrounded by angels and in it I saw a baby that looking at me with immeasurable love. I felt a joy fill the void that had engulfed me all my life . In an instant the baby disappeared all I could see was a b right light that surprisingly did not blind me.
I clearly heard a voice say " Read Is 54: 5 & 6 :
5 For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. 6 The LORD will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit— a wife who married young, only to be rejected," says your God.
I ran and told my mum about the vision and she did not believe me. When I told her about the verse she was astonished.
I felt a power come upon me and completely fill my soul. I found peace that the world could not give me.
I found Jesus or rather Jesus found me and transformed me. Today I dance to a different tune…. and my heart beats because my God came into this world to save me.
Accessed on 21st April 2011