My name is Nazeela beevi. I am from a small village called Karinganoor which is in Kollam (Quilon) District, Kerala, India. My father’s name is Abdul Rehman Moulvi. About ten years ago my father was working as chief Emam (Muslim Priest) over many Emams who used to give religious speeches.
While my father was serving in many mosques he came to know through medical science that he will not have any kids. But my father took many vows, generously gave offerings and waited for result. He went to Mecca for haj and became a Hajji and said to Allah like this, "Allah, if you give me a child and even if the child is a girl I will dedicate her and give her as an offering to the Mosque for your work. Usually Muslims offer only boy child and do not offer their girl child or dedicate her for the work of Mosque because Quran, the scripture of Muslims says that girls should not go outside of their houses showing their beauty. This type of a law was given by Mohammad nabi in Quran.
Because my father was a person who loved to obey every law of Quran as it is written in the Quran, he brought me up in the strict rules of Quran. From three years of my life my father would take me to the mosque, would make me to do the works of the mosque and make me to sleep in the mosque itself. My days were spent in mosque itself. Only for a little time that also rarely I would go to home with my father.
When my father got transferred he left me in the same mosque with the new Emam to do the work of Mosque. At this time alone I went to school for studies. After school I would return to the Mosque. Like this I lived in Mosque until the age of puberty.
When I reached the age of puberty, I was brought to my home and was made to sit in my home and learn Quran and follow the laws of Quran. According to the Quran a child should start following the laws of Quran when he/she is seven years old. So from the age of seven my father strictly taught me to pray five times in a day, fast in days of Ramzaan, recite Quran loudly and give alms in the days of sacrifice. From the seventh year of my life I did everything accordingly until my 16th year. From my 7th year I wore covered dress (parda).
When I went to school my father would put an extra black cloth on my face and covered my face. The reason behind it was that if the gentiles look at me, I would become cursed or unholy because I am a child offered to Allah and an offered child should not have any defect. In the Old Testament it is written that sacrificial things should not be defective. You can see that several of these laws of Old testament are also in Quran. So my father brought me up in the strict rules of Islam. In my black covering there were only two small net opening to see outside. My hands were covered with black gloves and legs with black socks. I would go to school wearing all these black dresses as a black figure. If I had to go outside, I would go wearing this type of dress. There was no freedom to go to the neighborhood. No freedom to mingle with people of other religions. If close relatives came in the house, I could only speak a little bit with them. I have three young brothers but I did not have much freedom to carry them, to have fun with them or to fondle them. Only for a few moments I was allowed to do that. All the other times I should spend time with Quran in my room. Like this I spent sixteen years of my life in a room of my home separated from others. I did not have the knowledge to speak a word wisely among four people who come together. Even if I want to mingle with such company, I did not have the freedom to go among them. I grew up in this type of Muslim home. I have taken great pains to follow the Islamic Law and I had completely dedicated myself for this purpose. But when I was 14 years old a thought came into my mind that I do not have any freedom to go around, have no freedom to wear the dresses which I liked, have no freedom to play or laugh as I wished, but always being with Quran and praising Allah and living alone in my room, "When I die and go what would be my reward?"
But Quran says that Allah is the only one God, that he made the world and that those who believe in him, who speak no lies, who do not steal, who recites Quran loudly five times, who do not commit adultery, who does not hurt anybody will go to heaven in the future. But I did not have the assurance in my life or had not experienced the assurance in my life. Until sixteen years of my life I recited Quran five times a day but still my heart was filled with an emptiness continuously.
So I started studying deeply about the characters in the history as given in quran which I had already read from Quran. In my young age Muslim priests taught Quran in Mosque and later on they came and taught Quran in home. When they were teaching me like this, there were 25 characters, that is, 25 prophets as given in Quran. In Arabic these characters are called Ambiya Mursalingal. Among these 25 prophets, the last prophet is given as Mohammed. About Mohammed it is written that he was the greatest and precious prophet etc. because he founded the Islam religion and Quran was written on revelation from Allah. According to Quran’s order of prophets, Adam was the first prophet and Mohammed was the last prophet. Adam to Mohammed there were 25 prophets. The 24th prophet was Jesus Christ. When I started studying about Him there was a great stir in my heart to study about Him deeply.
When we study the book of Esther we do not read the word "God" in that book, but we can see the mighty acts of God in that book. In the same way Quran does not say about Isa Masih (Jesus Christ) that he is great, or that He has divine qualities or that He is unique. But a study of His life story reveals the truth of His greatness, His Godliness and His uniqueness hidden in the history of His life story.
In Quran it is written about Jesus. "O, Mariam" or "Surat-ul-Mariam" are two names in Quran. There was an Emam in Mosque whose virgin daughter’s name was Mariam beevi. Allah’s angel called her "O, Mariam". So in Quran the name "O, Mariam" was recorded. As the life story and details of Mariam is written the name of Mariam came in the surats of Quran. In Surat 19:20 & 21 it is written that by the Word (kalaam) of Allah Jesus Christ was formed (born) in Mariam beevi’s womb.
While reading these verses a thought came in to my mind that prophet Jesus was born in the womb of Mariam beevi just because of Allah’s spoken Word. Prophet Mohammed has spoken the revelation, verses, words spoken by Allah in the Quran. Only through those verses that we understand about Allah. Then I felt, "Is not prophet Jesus the Word of Allah? Then why was it spoken about Him that He is just a prophet? Again I started thinking, "Prophet Mohmmad is called the "precious prophet" and people celebrate his prophethood, and give honor to prophet Mohammad and prophet Mohammad is spoken of as the greatest prophet.
There is a faith verse in Quran called "Shahadat-kalaam" Those who want to accept Allah, he/she should speak this Kalaam that Allah is the one god and without him no one else, he is the alpha and omega. Whom I am accepting as my only God. I am witnessing that his prophet is prophet Mohammad. This much greatness is given to prophet Mohammad. But this prophet Mohammad was born in this earth as the son of Amina Beevi and Abdullah. When he was born, he was just a human being. At the age of forty he was given the prophethood. These things are written in Quran itself.
But Prophet Jesus was not born of a man but was divinely conceived in the womb of virgin Mary by the spoken word of Allah. While thinking on these things I started to feel that the father of Prophet Jesus must be Allah whom I am worshipping as the only god. I started to say to myself that there is something special in prophet Jesus.
While studying the life story of Jesus, as written in Quran, I found that from His 30th year He started His ministry to preach the Good news with His twelve disciples, that mighty miracles took place through His word, and seeing that blind people and lepers were getting healed, that all the people of the country were following Him, fearing that they may loose their authority, the Jews planed to kill Jesus by crucifixion. But it is written that when they were trying to implement their plan Allah took Jesus bodily to heaven. The Jews mistakenly killed one of the disciples of Jesus on the cross. But Jesus is today in heaven.
But there is a day called end day coming when Anti-Christ will come to rule the world. At that time nations will be under his kingdom and his rule. And because of the troubles, hardship and tribulations people will cry and think, ‘who will help us? Who will save us? and Who will deliver us from this man? It is written that at that time Allah will send prophet Jesus on this earth with authority to defeat anti-Christ and his disciples in a war and He will become a deliverer and Savior for those frightened people who are looking for help. All these things are written in Quran itself.
Then I thought, "prophet Mohammad is being spoken of as the greatest, he is also considered as unique in Quran, but I felt that Jesus Christ deserved more to be given this greatness and to be considered as unique. I brought this doubt before my mother. Mother told it to my father. My father and others came to me and said, "you should not question Allah’s words but you should follow his words." The reason was that in their eyes I was something different.
When my father would come home on holidays from Mosque, people came from far away places with different kinds of problems for a solution. My father would be performing something or other for them. For the solution for their family debts, problems, quarrels and peacelesness my father would write Quran verses, read and recite over talisman and bind over them or pray over a thread and bind over them or recite and pray over water and give it to them. After that they will come with big presents and will say, "because you gave us those things, now our problem has been solved."
People came also in the absence of my father. My father had given me instruction on such occasions to recite such and such verses bind this way or that way give that to them and send them away and those things will work and will perform what is required Later on I have heard them reporting to my father saying, "what your daughter had given brought quicker and better result than what you give."
Because through me such things were happening, those within my family, those around me and the relatives of my father felt something special about me. So they would say, "you should not question the words of Quran but you should follow it." If you question Quran and if something happens, then not only you alone but also our whole family would be coming under curse.
As no one could satisfactorily clear my doubts and as according to my expectation I could not come across a divine experience, a heavenly experience, from my 14th year whenever I would enter for prayer and when I would come out after prayer, which I do five times in a day, every time I used to pray, "Allah, my scripture says that you are only one God and I believe that. But I do not have the assurance that you are the one God and that you do mighty miracles. I want you to bring me to that assurance. Because my father has given my whole life to you. When I will be coming to marriageable age, my father would give me in marriage to an Emam like my father. Then both of us together will have to live pleasing Allah. That is in essence the vow of my father. I said, Allah, I want to live like that only. But I want you to give me the assurance that you are the one who created me that you are the one who created this world. I prayed this prayer ten times in a day from my 14th year of my life until 16th year.
Accessed on 7th August 2013